Retrubutionist777

Flowers blooming in the arctic. Children slaughtered as self defense. Two parties with different masks. Working eighty hours just to pay rent. Choose the lesser of two evils they say, While death in the corner silently stands. Because what does it matter in the end, When an early grave waits for the working man. Yet still the hopeless sing of freedom. Still the human heart beats and yearns. Still the plants grow through concrete. Still the children pray their words are heard. Because the old sat in corruption and greed, Led us astray with their bought wisdom. As the man in the street below freezes, They sit in private suites and say “Trust them.” But a back can only take so much before it breaks. A person can only bear so much before they come alive. The anger in our eyes is for you, all for you. We aren’t the only ones who should fear the Reaper’s scythe. Because time is like water over rock, One will continue and the other is worn away. But sometimes it takes a chisel

The sky turns shades of pink, As I watch morning slowly arrive. The bus rattles and I think of you, The father who fell from on high. Like King David was angry, Yet did nothing for Tamar's grief, So you too still let a son stay, Who stole innocence like a thief. Yet who I am is your greatest affliction, Your shame and mourning wrapped into one. A greater indignity than his endless sin, Is the child you refuse to call a son. You say you mean no harm, While your tongue continues on; Saying things that only upset, As you sit up alone at dawn. When they dig up my bones, I don't care what they think. Who I am isn't chromosomes, Or what's written in hatred and ink. Your prayers mean nothing, When all your hands do is hurt. Who's to say I was created wrong, And that what you say is all I'm worth? You talk of children and atrocities, Hip bones, chemicals and doctors. Like you know me better than myself, Simply pushing me to farther shores. Is it worth it to cling to you, When

Breathing the smoke in deep, Turning my mind to colored glass. Cold envelops me head to toe, As I talk too loud and too fast. Seeing old parts of myself, As being a child turns me inside out. Skull spinning on strings, As sugar sweetness fills my mouth. My worries march like soldiers, Layers separating for me to see. A multitude of questions follows, But they say I just need to be. And once the haze passes, Silence lasts a little longer. The thoughts at last put to bed, My spirit now a bit stronger.

Trying to get out of this depressive slouch. Should I lose weight or should I not? Is self-love staying the same or changing. Oh god why is my concentration shot. The days are shifting and I can’t decide, If I’m supposed to do the same. Trying to get better but am I really? Wrapping myself up in candy coated shame. Maybe I’m going easy on myself, Reading articles to practice avoidance. I didn’t go outside again today. I’m so tired of this same old dance. Feeling fine for now but just you wait, It could all fall apart in a breath or two. Believe me I’m grateful for the respite, Yet I’m still tired of these shades of blue. Forgot to shower or brush my teeth. Did I eat too much or too little? Food sits heavy and feels like a crime. Is all this some kind of cruel riddle? Self destruction calls to me in the grey, Knives and nooses begging to be of use. Would scream if only I remembered how. So easy to forget how much I have to lose. The sky presses down with my failures, Each

Stuffing my ears full of sound, My lips full of that sweet sugar. It’s all well and good to be kind, But gods I wish I could be a looker. Self-medicating as my body changes, Falling further from the ideal in my mind. Drinking my cares away can by can, They say I’m cute but I’ll never be a find. Between medication and metabolism, I wonder if I’ll ever reach that pinnacle. Will any amount of hard work do it? Or am just making excuses to be cynical? Scalpels beckon to me invitingly, Telling me they’ll make me perfect. Wish I had the will to starve myself, But hunger gets too loud to curb it. Will I ever be the image in my brain, Or am I doomed to this depressive slouch? They say to love yourself unconditionally, But I can’t seem to get the voices out. So here I am again in the midnight hours, Speaking to the silence as time stretches. Thoughts racing through my aching soul, Talking myself down from countless ledges.

Storm clouds swirl in a painted sky. Why is it so easy to want to die? Circuits misfiring like a line of dominoes. So I'll hide in bed and take off my clothes. Chasing pleasure and losing control. Getting drunk on music as the tempests roll. He tries to help me god only knows. But I'm a basket case and it always shows. So medicate me and lock me away. Tell me how I can somehow be safe. The beds are thin and the lights are loud. No doors lest death win this final round. The nooses sang to me of never growing old. But they took my sheets so now I sleep cold. She sits and keeps watch as dawn arrives. I swallow my pills and miss my knives. But I'm home again like I was before. Always the waves yet never a shore. The needs press in like hungry beasts. Baying at the hunt as they wait for their feast. So I write down words to steady my hands. Always a child and never a man. Still scared of monsters my parents made. I'm one of them now but what can I say.

The words feel trapped in my throat, So I scream and kick instead. Hurricanes roll inside my chest, Painting fury inside my empty head. My skull is dyed in many colors. Stained glass to dapple behind my eyes; Confusing circuits even more, Until I’m so dizzy I just want to die. Covered head to toe in doctors notes. They say I’m sick and may never be well. I’ve asked the sky but never heard a reply, So I kiss it goodnight and don’t ever tell. My bones feel untethered and light, Drilled full of holes until they float away. Breathing too loud as I watch myself, Like a puppet whose strings are frayed. Weigh me down so I sink to the bottom, Then at least my lungs will bloom. Choking on blue and blessing the quiet, Waiting for the cacophony to resume. My hands are crumbling stones, My heart is made of hollow glass. Burning up like a Summer fever, Until smoke blackens the many cracks. Someone make it stop. Trying so hard and falling so far, Breathing in the vapors like oxygen.