Hey everybody. Well its late here (or very early depending upon your perspective) but I've been thinking and decided to write this anyway. First off, I have LIGHTS The Listening
on, since their music always quietly and gently inspires me. Secondly, I need to figure out where to start sorting this pile of thoughts into something recognizable.
Okay, so.....to begin, I've been working a lot lately. Which is why DA hasn't seen nearly as much of me for a good while. It makes me sad, but I suppose this is a common predicament for many people besides me. I'm very glad to have employment of course. Although one very bad thing is the time traded for living costs has decreased my writing quite a bit. And I miss just crafting poems without restriction. Although fortunately I haven't lost my knack for it, since I have written a couple when the opportunity arises. This causes me to wonder though, has this same predicament happened to the people I know on here? Has life swallowed you up as you've grown from teen into adult? I'd very much like to know. And I'd like to talk to you all, if you see this. I hope you're all doing well.
Next, I came to the realization lately that its been a long time since I've read a book. Digging my way out of depression, taking care of family, and work have stolen the quietness needed for me to get wrapped up in stories. And I dearly miss that feeling. Of discovering characters, and loving them. Of turning every page in a three day frenzy of near constant reading to discover if the people you've grown to care so deeply about survive, and if their stories have a satisfying ending. Its something I'm determined to change. I need
to read again. I don't want my passion for literature to get buried under life's stresses. One book I bought specifically only a week ago as an act of love towards myself is called "Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear
". And I must say, it is an AMAZINGLY good book. Its begun to awaken many things I'd already started to see, but was too scared to fully accept. I'll tackle those topics next, since they lead smoothly into each other.
For ages now, what's held me back from writing stories is fear. The crippling all consuming fear of failing my readers, and hating the idea of not having perfection be the guaranteed final product. The terror of messing up an ending, or not having each plot point concretely logical. Of having something unrealistic. Big Magic
though has opened my eyes to the fact that my motivation needs to shift. I should write not just for others, but most of all for myself. I should write because of this burning passion to create, from the love of literature and lore itself, to help myself, to express and give form to these ideas which desperately long to come into being. AND also to bring joy to those who read them. To help the people the stories touch, to give them the amazing sensations of getting wrapped up in a story or beautiful piece of art. And maybe getting inspired by it themselves. Yes I must strive for excellence, because an uncaring hand is insulting to what the power of creation is worth. However I can't be paralyzed by the desire for utter perfection. And instead of worrying my ideas are unoriginal, I should write authentically. Because although most ideas have been thought of before, they have not been expressed by me, and THAT'S what makes them different. My heart and perspective is the biggest part of what will give people the desire to read my work, and originality will hopefully mix its lovely flavor in too.
This leads into a rather significant self discovery. At last, my soul has settled upon the truth of what my purpose on this earth is. My calling is to create. To bring color and vibrancy, to heal through what my hands, heart and mind make. To inspire and awaken other people. Now, considering what I'm like perhaps you'd think perceiving this shouldn't have taken as long as it did. However people are often blind to themselves I suppose. You see, there are many forms of creation I have a passion for doing. Sewing, Jewelry, Knitting, Origami, Paper Crafts, Wood Work, Writing. And many more I hunger to learn, simply out of an almost indescribable love of the splendor in building and weaving materials into beauty. But for whatever reason, I've always felt hesitant to believe art is what I'm supposed to focus all of my energy on. Perhaps because of fearing I'd fail.
Which is another point I've come to see needs to change with how I've seen it. I need to do things and be willing to fail, or not have them flawless. What's held me back from truly moving forward is the terror my attempts at drawing, music or singing will be rough at first. Yet now its clear they'll need to be unpolished at first, and that's completely fine. For me to ever do it, I need to simply DO it.
If I want to learn a language I have to try, probably have a horrible accent at first and say things wrong. Hardly anyone, regardless of natural talent, is instantly advanced at something. If I want to expand my vocabulary, I have to actually begin more thoroughly exploring a dictionary. I'll need to sit down and practice drawing, piano, and slowly work on building up my confidence at singing. If I want my books to be realistic I've got to dive in and do research, instead of being afraid of the effort involved or that I'll miss a key fact and there will be an error in the logic of my story lines. That's why there's constructive criticism, so fresh minds can look at your creations, see problems you might have missed and kindly tell you what they are. I don't need to be scared of issues being seen, or crumble if there are some. There being story holes doesn't make me instantly a horrible author. Never writing and not listening is what would make me a bad author.
And lastly, there are many things I'm wanting/looking forward to experiencing to help me become a more knowledgeable author. I want to do knight training, sword fighting, staff fighting, and know firsthand how it feels to ride hundreds of miles on horseback. I want to feel what its like to climb mountains and fight all day in armour. What its like to be extremely hungry and thirsty with hardly any means of warmth for weeks outdoors, and how it is to survive in different terrains (wilderness, desert, mountains, hills, etc.) How you feel to be hot, cold or soaked for extended periods of time. Probably my whole life will be taken up in doing these things, but then again I think its what I'm meant to do with mine.
P.S. Thank you all who have stuck with me and commented on what I've uploaded here despite my long absences. Honestly it means SO much to me, and although many times I didn't have the energy to reply your words helped me keep going and believing I could write, and that I should keep writing.
P.P.S On a kind of related note, I've been wanting to ask you all something for a while but kept forgetting to. Would you like to see other art and projects I've done? Such as jewelry, drawings and origami. There are only a couple drawings, and a greater supply in comparison of crafts. The photos won't be the highest quality because they're taken on my phone, but hey, if you guys and gals give the go ahead I'll put them on here.